Why a Newsletter?
…or, do you really need more stuff coming into your office /home? We're hoping you will benefit from occasional up-dates on current issues and learning that occurs in our practice. We want to tell you who we are, what we do, and how we do it, to help you judge who might benefit from working with us. If our newsletter is not useful to you, please let us know and we'll take your name off our mailing list. We would also be happy to hear your views on any of the issues we write about.

Perspectives on Couple Counselling - Dr. Atkinson and the Neurobiology of Love

In April 2004, we spent two days at a couples counselling workshop sponsored by the B.C. Psychologists Association, which featured the work of Brent Atkinson, PhD. Dr. Atkinson is the Director of the Family Therapy Program at Northern Illinois University, and Director of Post-Graduate training at the Couples Research Institute. He has developed a model called Pragmatic/Experiential Therapy, an approach that translates new knowledge about how the brain processes emotion into practical methods for improving relationships and increasing personal success.

During the workshop, Dr. Atkinson outlined how he helps individuals in distressed relationships to: take individual responsibility for their part in perpetuating destructive interaction, shift out of habitual internal states that sabotage their ability to think and act in ways that support relationship success, activate dormant internal states that, once activated, naturally lead to intimacy and connection.

Atkinson's work is based on research in two separate areas. The first is the burgeoning field of brain research. Here he has tapped into a variety of sources that, in combination, suggest that it is possible to teach defensive, resentful partners to tap into neural pathways that support the expression of protective, nurturing and supportive behaviour.

The second research base is the work of Dr. John Gottman and his colleagues at the Seattle Marital and Family Institute. Working in this area since 1975, Dr. Gottman has isolated the attitudes and behaviours that distinguish happy couples from those who either break up or live together unhappily. This work has been so successful that the Seattle “love lab” has achieved 94% accuracy in predicting which couples will succeed or fail over the long term. Gottman has identified ten critical elements that determine relationship outcomes. Six are concerned with how we deal with differences (different values, priorities, and so on) and four deal with bonding behaviour, the ways we create and maintain connection with our partner.

We are finding both Atkinson's model and Gottman's work to be very helpful to us in our counselling work with couples. Together, they make it easier for us to accomplish a major task in couples therapy; that is, persuading individuals to focus on changing their own attitudes and behaviours, rather than focussing on changing their partner. Once this motivation for change is in place we can move to the second critical step, that of helping our clients identify and shift out of automatic, conditioned internal states that either perpetuate conflict or block the expression of helpful attitudes and behaviour. Our goal is to increase attitudes and behaviours predictive of success, and decrease those that are predictive of failure. We do this with careful attention to individual integrity. Clients must be satisfied that new behaviours fit who they are, as changes based in self- compromise will not last.

In summary, the lesson from Dr. Atkinson is this: to get more understanding and cooperation from his or her partner, the most effective thing a distressed partner can do is develop the ability to influence his or her own internal states during key intimate situations. We find that if one partner can shift some part of their conditioned internal states, the second partner will be more able to shift, and a cycle of positive change is set in motion.

We have recommended the following books to a number of our clients. They provide an easy-to-read description of Dr. Gottman's work:

- Dr. John Gottman. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (1999),
- Dr. John Gottman. The Relationship Cure: A 5-Step Guide to Strengthening your Marriage, Family and Friendships (2001)

ADHD Doesn't Just Occur in Childhood!
Until a few years ago, very few people were aware that attention-deficit disorder might affect adults. In fact, it seems that the general belief was that this condition was one that children outgrew by the time they were in their late teens. Recent research is indicating the opposite, and we're finding that more and more adults are coming in to see us in the hope that we may be able to help them manage “their ADHD” more effectively. Some people are finding that this condition negatively affects their success at work, with friends, and in their intimate life with spouses and children.

We find adults with ADHD to be excellent counselling referrals. They are often highly motivated, and often benefit from counselling that is directed toward:

1) reducing their tendency for intense self-criticism,
2) supporting the development of self-understanding and self-acceptance,
3) improving their skill in caring for themselves.

We have found the following references useful for our own understanding and for those clients who enjoy and benefit from reading:

- Mate, Gabor. Scattered Minds: A New Look at the Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder (1999)
- Solden, Sari. Women with Attention Deficit Disorder: Embracing Disorganization at Home and in the Workplace (1995)

Sessional Faculty Appointment - Dr. Marianne Gareau
I have accepted an appointment as a sessional lecturer at the University of British Columbia. Every Thursday, I will be at the New Westminster Campus, supervising the clinical work of students in the Master's Program in Counselling Psychology. Teaching is a great way to maintain one's current theoretical knowledge, and I'm also confident that this experience will sharpen my clinical skills.
My primary focus continues to be my counselling work with Richmond Relationship Counselling Services, and I will make sure my clients are not inconvenienced by my absence on Thursdays.

On A Personal Note…
We thank all the physicians, school personnel, therapists and others who have referred clients to us since we opened our office in February of this year. Thanks also to those who have heard about us from friends or other means, and have come to us on their own. We appreciate the confidence you place in us and welcome any questions you may have about our services.

Technological Breakthrough!
We're happy to report that we now have a website. We've set this up so people can check us out on the web when they're trying to decide if we might be helpful to them. Our website provides information about our training, experience, areas of practice and how to find us. Check us out at www.richmondcounselling.com